What L Can't Take
by ClarkusLooki
Summary: L makes Light fall for him, or perhaps it's the other way around? Either way, both of them get hurt in the end. L/Light Warning: Smut and Language Rated M
1. Chapter 1

Author's Notes-

This is my first ever fanfic, so please be nice! :) I'm just gonna start writing and see where it takes me.

Warning: Smutty themes and situations ahead! ;D Rated M to be safe.

Reviews are greatly appreciated! Please R&R!

Disclaimer: I don't own Deathnote or any of the characters, yadda yadda.

It is in these moments that L can imagine a perfect utopia for himself, one where they would be headed in a better direction than _this_. At first, he only did it because he wanted Light to slip up and give some evidence that he was Kira, but now he's not sure. It was cruel of him to manipulate Light like this, but to be fair, he's manipulating himself too.

L tilts his head down slightly to see Light draped over him. He's asleep, but L knows that he'll wake him up if he moves, so he doesn't. Or perhaps that's just what L is telling himself because he enjoys Light being there. They can't continue on like this, L knows that well enough. Until he finds evidence and sends Light to his deathbed, he has to keep up this facade. But that's exactly why it's so dangerous. L doesn't _want_ to let Light go, because Light's turned into his only constant, and sure, he's done this on other cases before, but Light is different. He's the only one in Japan on L's level. Hell, probably in the whole world. It's all part of L's job, though, and he is the best in the world at what he does. _Just a little while longer, and I'll kill Kira_ , L tells himself, but it's not enough. And it never will be, because it's hard to hate Light when he's not Kira.

Sometimes L wishes that Light had never had that personality switch back in his confinement, because then L would've caught him by now. If he hadn't changed then it wouldn't be so hard, they wouldn't be headed downhill. Light knows, too. Whether or not he is conscious of the fact that he is Kira, he knows that this can only lead to disaster. L likes to pretend that things aren't the way that they are. If he didn't, then he would feel the fire burning himself. And Light. That might be something that he can't deal with.

-A Month Earlier-

Light is different than anybody L has ever known. Be it the fact that Light is the only person who has ever been able to challenge him, or the fact that he fooled everyone else. L pulls out another lollipop as he watches Light's chest slowly rise up and down. L thinks that perhaps he enjoys this form of Light the most, because this is the only time that he doesn't have his guard up. Of course, he's asleep, so it's unlikely that L could find any clues during this period, but that doesn't make it any less enjoyable. L likes to think of this time as his 'development time', because he gathers everything he concluded throughout the day, and uses it to form a plan.

L soon devises a plan, one that has worked before, with other cases. _No, more of a suggestion,_ L reasons with himself, because this plan only has a 57.2% success rate. Also because it could cause trouble for L. It has before, and Light is even more appealing than the others, which could be dangerous. That's what L likes, though, if he didn't, then he couldn't be the best at what he does. He eventually decides that the risk is worth it, because justice is always worth it. And sometimes this thought troubles him. The thought that he truly doesn't get to decide for himself, that justice chooses for him.

The plan is a long-shot, but if it worked before, it can work again. L just has to take it slowly. He knows 100% that Light will not react favorably to being grabbed, shoved, or pushed, leaving L to have to appear vulnerable.

"Light-kun, I need to go to the kitchen," L says, just loud enough to wake Light up, but not loud enough for Light to understand. Light shifted slightly upon hearing this, but didn't respond. "Light-kun," L repeats, just a little bit louder this time. Light grumbles something unintelligible, and sits up on his elbows.

"What do you want, Ryuzaki?" Light grits out, frustration evident in his voice. L thinks that this Light is the best one for getting answers, because he is tired and less aware of his social manners and of what he is saying.

"I need to go to the kitchen. I require another slice of tiramisu." Light only groans in response and slowly sits up. L wishes that Light would hurry, because he has things to do, and he wants to get on with this part. L knows that he can't do much today, and that's okay, because he really isn't fond of the human contact, and would prefer to wean himself into it.

L gently puts his hand on Light's shoulder, because that's a start, and it will lead somewhere. It always does. "Let's go, Light-kun," L mumbles, removing his hand and standing up from his position on his chair. Light only yawns and reluctantly follows.

When they reach the kitchen, L heads straight for the refrigerator and pulls out the tiramisu. He offers Light some and, as usual, he declines. This time, though, he says it with more annoyance in his voice than usual, due to his sleep-deprived state. "Alright, then, Light-kun," L says, trying to hit between vaguely hurt and his usual apathetic tone.

Clearly, it worked, because then Light is mumbling an apology of sorts. "That's not what I-, I'm, I didn't mean to, uh." L holds back a smirk at the reaction, and it's not that hard, considering he's talking to a murderer.

L, choosing this as the perfect moment, closed the fridge door and moved swiftly next to Light. He slouched a little bit more, because L knows that Light loves the feeling of superiority, and being shorter than Light in this moment could only work out in his favor. "You didn't mean to what, Light-kun?" L murmurs, leaning in closer to Light. He momentarily wonders whether, if Light wouldn't allow L to go any further, he could play this behavior off as just a lack of social boundaries.

Before Light could push him away, L gently presses his lips to the edge of Light's mouth. Light doesn't move, and neither of them close their eyes, Light because of the shock, and L because he wants to see Light's reactions. L stops and pulls back, just an inch. "I'm sorry, Light-kun," L breathes, not really knowing what he meant, letting the suspect make out what he wants of the words. He leans in again, this time with a little more confidence, and for just a moment, Light kisses back, seemingly soaking it up.

Light moves his hand to L's head and weaves his fingers into his black hair, before pushing him away. L notes that he is much more awake and aware now. "Why did you do that?" Light questions, narrowing his eyes.

L ponders for a moment, then thinks that, since he has zero social skills in Light's view, he should go with that act. "Because, Light-kun, I am only human, and we all have the same desires, do we not?" he says, with a light tone, cocking his head to the side. Light realizes what L is asking for and his eyebrows fly up.

Light contemplates shoving him away, because he's confused and tired and really doesn't want to deal with this right now, but decides to go along with whatever he's saying, because otherwise L will raise his percentage. He's so deep in thought now that he forgets to respond, and is roughly brought back to reality when L wraps his arms around Light's waist and grinds his hips onto Light. It's pathetic, really, and it spurs him on.

Light guides the detective over to the couch in the living room, conveniently located right but the kitchen. L crouches down on the couch, and leans into Light when he sits beside him. Light smirks, and really, his ego must be enjoying this terribly. His hand slips between L's legs, and he moves it too fucking slowly. L groans, not because he enjoys it, but in hope that Light will hurry up. He tries to analyze what Light's doing, but his mind is fuzzy and he can tell that he's close. His legs fall to the ground from his crouch, and he lets out some breathy sound because, _oh,_ Light's hand is good. It's too hard to focus on the task at hand, and in the next instant he's coming. L slumps down into Light, who somehow moved L into his lap like some helpless thing. He tries to organize his thoughts, but it's the first time he's gotten off in months, and he succumbs to the afterglow for just a little while longer.

"Thank you, Light-kun, you may go to bed now," L says, putting his emotionless mask back on. He drags Light back to their shared bedroom, and lays down on his side. Light's stuttering the whole way.

"But, you just-, I," Eventually, Light gives up and turns away from him, falling asleep once more. L allows himself a half hour of sleep that night, and not a wink more. He pulls his computer up from the floor, and realizes he left his tiramisu in the kitchen. Of course, that was only a decoy, but he still wants it. L sighs and instead grabs a toffee from his nightstand. He decides that it won't be hard with Light, because he found that his touches aren't bad, and he won't have to pretend nearly as much as he did with other, nearly-forgotten suspects. But he has to be careful, he's trotting on thin ice, here, and he won't let this turn against himself. _Light is a murderer,_ L reminds himself, and hopes that Light switches back to his 'god among men' mindset, because that would make it a great deal easier for him.

Light wakes up in the morning feeling more worn than when he went to bed. He rolls over and sees L and _shit_ , he remembers what happened the night before. Sure, he was tired and couldn't think straight, but why? _How could he do that?_ It gives Light that awful, trashy frat-boy feeling, and he can't stand it. What's he supposed to say? 'Hey, can you tell me why I jacked you off last night?'

It's too much for Light to swallow at once, so he decides to wait and see if L says anything. The genius hasn't noticed that he's awake yet, so Light yawns loudly and makes a show of getting up again.

"Good morning, Light-kun," the panda mumbles, and goes back to typing. It makes Light want to destroy that fucking computer. Of course, if he were to act on that, L would raise his percentage.

Suddenly, Light realizes that perhaps, just maybe, this was a test of some sort. It fills him with a slight anxiety that he may have failed. But then again, Light has never failed and never will, and even when he was in that sleep-deprived delirium, he was still cautious. He always is. And he can't figure out what exactly L was testing. His self-control? His patience?

The detective is looking at him expectantly, and Light hurriedly replies, "Good morning, Ryuzaki." He doesn't seem completely satisfied with the answer, but Light deems it enough.

They work normally that day, but nobody else is there. Of course there isn't, it's Sunday, but Light can't shake the feeling that L made sure that things would work out that way. It infuriates Light, to the point where he can't focus on his work. Eventually, Light slams his laptop shut and strides directly over to L.

"Light-kun, what are you do-" L's question is muffled by Light's mouth crushing into his. L gasps and Light takes the chance to shove his tongue in. L wants to grin, but he can't, his mouth is occupied by Light, and he enjoys that he could annoy him to this extent. In the next instant, Light is yanking him up by his shirt and pushing him against the wall. L lets Light do what he will, even adds a few quiet noises to encourage him. _Yes_ , L thinks, _this is exactly what should be happening._ He's surprised that Light came onto him so quickly. He expected it to take a few days, at the very least. L tries to collect his thoughts, but Light is so much better than the others, and he can't keep his train of thought. He doesn't like it, he's never been fond of human contact, but Light is clearly experienced, and it makes it that much more tolerable. L dearly hopes that Light hasn't realized what he's trying to do. It is unlikely that he has, but there's a 28% chance that he has, and that's too high for L to be comfortable.

He comes back as Light jams a leg between L's. He tears his lips away from L's and moves down to his neck. L wishes he hadn't, because if he leaves a mark, the rest of the taskforce will be able to see it when they come back. He pushes against Light, and if he really wanted to be let go, he could have Light pinned on the ground in less than a second, but he wants to play this right, and that would do more harm than good. He settles for just turning his head downward, and gently saying, "Light-kun, please."

That gets him, but he doesn't let go or step away, he just winds his arms around L's waist and rests his forehead on L's shoulder. "I can see what you're doing, _Ryuzaki_ ," he spits, and L grimaces. "Ah, Kira-kun, I expected as much. This behavior can and will be considered as assault."

"16%," he adds, just for extra measure. "No, it won't, L. You know you deliberately provoked me. You didn't give me any explanation _whatsoever_ about last night. And I'm not Kira."

He says the last part slightly quieter than the rest. L can't quite tell whether he's saying it in that tone to sound crestfallen, or if he really is crestfallen. Frankly, both are possible at this point. L doesn't know what to say, and that's not right. He always has a response for everything. And so L just kisses his forehead.

That does something to Light, and then he's pushing L down to his knees and undoing the button on his pants. L knows what's going on, this isn't the first time he's done this, but he might be a little rusty. He inhales and then wraps his lips around the tip of Light's cock. Light's mouth falls open and he gasps. That's enough consent for L, so he hollows his cheeks and takes in as much as he can. L bobs his head maybe four or five times, then grazes his teeth on the underside, and that's it. Light's knees are shaking as he comes and it's clearly the first time he's had this done. He slumps on the floor in front of L, breathing heavily.

After a few moments, Light tilts his head up and looks at L. L doesn't suppress his smirk this time and he nods down to the tent in his jeans. "My turn," he breathes.

Light's not very good at this, L decides, but he comes embarrassingly quickly anyways, because it's been so long. L doesn't allow himself any time for the afterglow, and he gathers himself together (which didn't take much effort, as he typically looks like he just walked out of a trash compactor), and waits for Light. Light takes longer, but that's probably why he always looks like he just walked off of a modeling set. They return to the main room and get back to work. Light can't concentrate on the words in front of him, and he can't comprehend what just happened. L thinks, no, _knows_ that this will be more dangerous than he first thought, because Light is as smart as he is, and very well educated in this area. L didn't like it though, and he never will. Light will fall, and L will kill him. _I didn't like it,_ he repeats to himself, _I didn't._

A/N: Sorry this was so short. Should I write a second chapter? Idk, I might keep going. I didn't expect this to be filled with so many clichés. Anyway, I hope you enjoyed! Please R&R!


	2. Chapter 2

A/N: Thank you guys for the reviews and follows! I'm going to try and make this chapter longer. Again, warning for language and smut, but this time it'll probably be in more detail. ;) L and Light will probably be more OOC this chapter, sorry. :/ Aiber and Wedy come in later than they do in the books, but I had to do it to make it fit. Also, I might start using '-XXX-' to indicate the end of each section, as the line thing wouldn't work. Who knows? Either way, enjoy the story!

Disclaimer: I don't own L or Light or Death Note, all rights go to Tsugami Ohba!

-XXX-

It's been four days. Four _fucking_ days, and they've had sex six times. Well, it's debatable whether it's actually sex or not. More getting each other off when the rest of the taskforce isn't there to see it. Light is disgusted with himself, and L is tired. L never wants to sleep, and he trained his body not to want to sleep, but for some reason, he is incredibly tired. This doesn't exactly qualify as a problem to L, but Light notices, and he often mentions it.

Light is settled down comfortably on his side of the bed, and L is perched on his chair, trying to focus on typing but failing miserably. "Ryuzaki, just go to bed," Light sighs, setting down his book. L notices that Light never reads fiction, and L thinks that of course he wouldn't. Light is Kira, which, in another, far off world, that would be fiction. Light is something that shouldn't be real, something that should only exist inside the pages of a novel, so it makes sense that he wouldn't read fiction. He wouldn't want to contradict himself.

L is not completely sure whether Light knows he is Kira or not. He lost his Kira-like smile that didn't reach his eyes, and now he seems like the eighteen-year-old boy with a plethora of good qualities that he was before. L suspected that the boy was Kira based off of the way he held himself. Light still holds himself in a similar, ego-obsessed fashion, but it's different somehow. He may have passed his power to someone else, which would explain how Kira is still operating, but how did he do that in confinement? L doubts that Light knew who Higuchi was before they got the lead on him. L likes the old Light better, the one who _tried_ to challenge him. It was much more interesting that way.

"L?" Light questions, reaching over to tap on L's computer, concerned as to why the bastard hadn't responded. "I am fine, Light-kun. And please call me Ryuzaki. You may sleep." Clearly this upsets Light, because then he sits up and stares L down. "You are not fine. I have seen you sleep _once_ , since I've been here. What are you so afraid of?" L thinks that that was too spontaneous. Light has never been so openly affected by his sleeping habits before. And why would he bring up anything about what L fears?

"I am not afraid of anything, Light-kun." _Except for you, possibly._ "I cannot understand where this statement came from. Could you please explain it to me?"

"Well, that's the only logical answer as to why you won't go to sleep! You aren't working at night, and you've stopped watching me."

"Light-kun, I do not need the amount of sleep that most humans require. I thought you were aware of that."

"L, I am perfectly aware of that. I'm also aware that you've been exhausted! You weren't tired before, and you didn't sleep. You're tired now, so why won't you?"

L gives a small scoff, something that he has only ever done in front of Watari. He almost surprises himself with it. He knows he won't get anywhere with this, so he closes his laptop and slips into the bed on the other side of Light. Light turns off the lamp next to him, and turns to face L. He seems vaguely….. Sad.

L then thinks about what the original plan was. He's veered off course. He was supposed to make Light fall for him. It sounds childish now, to put it like that. It hasn't been working, but then again, he probably needs to give it more time. Four days isn't a long enough period for so much to happen in. It frustrates L, that he can't speed up the process. The longer it takes, the more of a suicide mission it is for him. Plans like these make him feel more human, and while he is just that, he likes to think that he's not, because it makes the job easier. The more time consuming they are, the deeper L falls into them. It happened before, with B, but that's a memory L is trying to suppress, because it's too much for him to comprehend at once. He is not killing himself, he is killing his humanity. Each time he pulls himself out of the rabbit holes he digs himself into, he's a little more ruthless. A little more masked. One would think that to be a good thing, especially for a detective, but in another sense, it's depressing.

L thinks that the opposite is happening for Light. As he's falling, he's becoming a little less ruthless, a little less masked. Though that very well could be the effect of his personality change back in confinement. Light's breathing is evening out, and his chest is barely rising and falling. It looks kind of like he's dead. _Inside,_ L thinks. A killer as efficient as Kira can't truly be alive. L decides that for tonight, he can let himself sleep. Because the constant studying of Light's unconscious form is making him even drowsier. He falls asleep with a sucker hanging out of his mouth.

-XXX-

Light wakes up to the feeling of something sticky on his neck. And a weight on top of him. His eyed widen significantly as he realizes what position he's in. L is draped on top of him, with his head tucked right under Light's chin. His hand flies up to grab the sticky substance, only to find out it's a sucker. He grimaces and flings it across the room. It hits the wall rather loudly, waking L up. The genius' head shoots up, narrowly missing Light. It's relatively surprising, how little contact they have, other than sexually, of course.

"What are you doing?" Light snaps, pushing on L's chest. The detective awkwardly crawls off of him, but stays too close for Light's comfort. "It appears that I moved in my sleep, Light-kun." L was composed in seconds, but still had a slightly confused look. Light just scowls and looks away. "Whatever. Come on, I have to brush my teeth."

L follows Light to the bathroom. L lazily brushed his teeth while Light did it with singular determination. Every day, Light is legitimately surprised that all of L's teeth haven't fallen out yet. All he consumes is sugar and coffee, yet he still holds his anorexic figure. L is an anomaly himself, Light decides.

He's broken out of his thoughts when he feels a pair of arms wrap themselves around his waist. The contact makes him jerk violently, causing him to nearly drop his toothbrush. L rests his chin on Light's shoulder. "L, stop it, we're not some married couple. Jesus," he says, but it's muffled and slurred due to his mouth being full. He doesn't push L away though. _This is progress,_ L thinks, and he almost smiles. Almost.

-XXX-

The taskforce is on lunch break when Misa bursts into the room, carrying massive shopping bags that probably weigh more than she does. She squeals and runs over to Light, rambling on about how she hasn't seen him in forever. "Amane-san, you saw Light-kun two days ago," L deadpans. Misa pouts, making her look young and innocent, no doubt what she was trying to do. "Ryuzaki, you never let me and Light go on dates. You're so mean!"

"Misa," Light interrupts, "We have to catch Kira. It's the most important thing right now."

"More important than _me_? I'm your girlfriend, Light!" Her eyes tear up, and it takes all Light has not to roll his eyes. It takes all L has not to have her arrested as the second Kira.

"You have to understand. We'll go on a date as soon as this is over, I promise. Okay?" Light smiles, and it looks like a Kira smile. One that doesn't promise anything good. L is certain that Light would kill Misa if she weren't such a vital part of his identity. All L has to figure out is how they kill, and then wait for Misa to screw it up. That's what she does best, after all. "You're lying, Light-kun, which is a very Kira-like quality. 19%."

L could have Light arrested at any time, but for this case he wants to play by the rules and find hard evidence, because otherwise it would be boring. "I'm not lying, Ryuzaki. You're just upset because you don't have someone like Misa," he says, and it's measured, because everything he does is measured. Or else he'd be dead right now. The same goes for L. It's a blatant lie, and L wonders what Misa would think if she knew about the vulgar things they'd been doing. "On the contrary, I am perfectly fine on my own, Light-kun." He shoots Light a tiny smirk with it, quick enough that the rest of the taskforce won't notice, but Light's a great deal smarter than them, so he picked up on it as soon as it was sent.

"Um, sorry to interrupt, but there are people outside, Ryuzaki," Matsuda stumbles over his words. "What do they look like, Matsuda-san?" L asks, already knowing who it is. "The girl's wearing black leather and the guy looks like a gambler," he gets out, seemingly excited about the visitors. "Let them in," L calls to Watari through the speakers.

Light watches through the cameras as the pair glide in. "Who are they, Ryuzaki?" Soichiro asks. "I invited them here to help with the case."

Light decides immediately that he doesn't like them. _They look like criminals,_ Light thinks, _and they probably are._ He's pissed to some extent that L didn't tell him or give him a warning or anything. He leans in to look closer, and sees that the woman has a cigarette. He hates people who smoke.

L sends Mogi off to let them in. Through the cameras, Light can see that as soon as he opens the door, they swiftly step past him into the hallway. They burst into the room, and the stench of alcohol and smoke fills Light's nose. He tries to not gag as he stands up and strides over to L. "Everyone, this is Aiber and Wedy. They will be assisting us on the case," L announces. Light notices that Wedy has two guns in holsters on her belt. She's wearing massive black sunglasses, and Light can't help but think that she's a shallow person.

Misa clings to his arm. She must seem so pathetic to them, and he concludes that it would be best for her to leave. "Misa, we have to work now, I'll see you later, okay?" She pouts and it repulses Light. "But Light, I barely get to see you. Can't I stay for just a little while?"

"I'm really sorry Misa, it's just not safe for you here. Call me later, alright?"

Misa beams at that. It's annoying how suddenly she changes emotions. "Okey-dokey, Light!" She kisses him on the cheek and Light says goodbye as she picks up her bags and sets off.

"Who's she? I think it's safe to assume she's not working for you guys," Wedy says, as soon as Misa is out of sight, and her voice is too velvety for the fact that she's been through three cigarettes since she arrived. "That's Misa Amane. She is Light-kun's girlfriend. And my suspect as the second Kira." Wedy seems amused at that.

"And this is Light?" She nods in his general direction. "Yes, Light-kun is my main suspect." Aiber pulls a lopsided grin. "I thought so." His voice is deep and slurring, and he reeks of vodka. Light thinks that, if he were Kira, which he is _not,_ he would kill both of them. "Why is that?" he grits out.

"Oh, I don't know, maybe it's just that you're too much of a pretty boy to be innocent." Soichiro frowns and defends his son, "Watch what you're saying. Light is not Kira, and I will not tolerate you accusing him like this!" Wedy chuckles, a sound that reverberates throughout the room, and it unnerves the rest of the taskforce. "Watari, please show Aiber and Wedy to their rooms," L says loudly, in a clipped tone, making it clear to them that they needed to fuck off.

As soon as Watari appears in the doorway, L pushes hurries them off, then turns back to Soichiro. "I apologize, Yagami-kun, but Light-kun is my number one suspect. You know of this, and so does your son. There is no need to refrain Aiber and Wedy from speaking of him as such. I hope you are able to understand."

"Ryuzaki! Light is not Kira, we have proof on Higuchi," he insists, and L is annoyed at his incessant attempts to change his mind. "I believe you meant to say that we _will_ have evidence. We do not, currently. And keep in mind that we have reason to believe that the first Kira passed his power on to Higuchi, Yagami-kun."

After some retorts back and forth that will get them nowhere, Mogi breaks it up and asks, "Are _they_ going to come down here and work with us?" L recognizes the possibility that it could have been a bad idea to ask them for help, but waves it off as soon as it enters, because he knows he'll need people smarter than the rest of the taskforce, excluding Light, to help him. While it would be more preferable for them to get along, it doesn't matter whether they like each other or not, because work is work, and they have to get this done. L is 74% sure that catching Higuchi will lead to evidence of Light being Kira.

"Yes, Mogi-san, they are only getting adjusted to the space. They will be down here shortly." And, as if on cue, the pair entered. This time, Aiber came holding a rather large glass of some alcohol.

L shows them to their computers, which, Light notes, are separated from the rest of the teams'. L then just leaves them to it, doesn't even explain what they're looking for. Light supposes that L must have been in touch with them for a while, explaining the case and all. It irks Light the wrong way.

It's apparent that the others are extremely uncomfortable with just their presence, and they work in an awkward silence, except for the occasional comment, or snark remark from Wedy. The last few hours pass by too slowly, and with each one, Light gets more and more impatient. He wants to be alone with L, so he can ask about the duo without having to have too much discrepancy. He also wants to fuck him, which reels his mind onto another topic. Is he cheating on Misa? He can't even remember why he started dating her, it just… happened, somewhere along the way. Light dearly holds onto the hope that it's not cheating if he doesn't love her. Which is just a shitty vindication, of course, but it's a large contrast with L, because he himself is a whole different being. On another note, L is the one who came onto him, which practically makes him the victim. These thought frustrate him to no end, and L notices.

"Light-kun, are you alright? You've crossed and uncrossed your legs four times in the past few minutes, and you keep sighing."

"I'm fine, Ryuzaki," he responds, with a sigh, and it entertains L, that he just sighed again, "I'm just tired, is all."

"Well, we've been working all day." Then, in a louder tone, "You all may go. Thank you for your help today."

The team is eager to go home, and they promptly collect their things and leave. Soon, it's just L and Light and Aiber and Wedy. "You want a martini, L?" Aiber speaks smoothly. "I know how you loved them back in Costa Rica." _L's been to Costa Rica?_ Light thinks, _with him? He called him 'L', not 'Ryuaki'. Does L drink?_ Light seriously doubts the last part, but L is unpredictable, and perhaps he had to, for some case.

"Aiber, please refer to me as 'Ryuzaki'. And no, I would not like a martini." The word sounds strange coming from L, Light never thought he would hear him talk about a drink. He's certain L has had alcohol tolerance training, but this sounds too casual for it to be like that. "Suit yourself," he says, slowly walking over to the elevator, Wedy trailing behind. She turns around and purrs, "Have fun with pretty boy upstairs."

Light feels his jaw fall slack. Who the hell does she think she is, anyway? He curls his hands into fists, and turns sharply to L., but quickly forces himself to relax. He has to wait until they get up to their room, there are cameras down here. Watari is able to hear everything he says. "Let's go, Ryuzaki," he says, and ushers him to the stairs. He would usually take the elevator, but seeing as it's occupied by people he does not particularly care for, he would much rather avoid them.

They haven't even reached their room when Light not-so-gently pushes L up against the wall and crashes his lips into L's. L is not expecting this, and he almost chokes on Light's tongue. L certainly knew this was coming, but he thought Light would have more caution, especially with Wedy's comment a few moments earlier. He responds with almost as much ferocity, but lets his suspect take control. This is the second time that Light has been the one to initiate things, and he thinks that maybe it's due to Aiber and Wedy's arrival. He winces slightly as Light moves down to his neck and bites. Hard.

When they first started, Light would try to stop L, and it really wouldn't have been that hard to. But he didn't, and know he's being forceful about it. L likes it better this way. Raw and harsh, hurting, but in the right way, as opposed to how the first night was.

L groans when Light shoves his hand down his pants, roughly grabbing L's member. He tilts his head back and it hits the wall with a thunk. Light stops, then, and says, "Ryuzaki, we're still in the hallway." L holds back from saying that it's his fault they never made it to the room "It appears we are, Light-kun."

With that, Light removes his hand, grabs L by his elbow, and drags him into their bedroom. He pushes him down onto the bed and crawls over him, straddling his waist. He looks angry. L leans up to kiss him, and when he tries to pull away, Light digs his fingers into L's jaw and holds him there. He often does this, just for feeling of being held close.

Light grinds his hips down on L's, and tugs at the hem of his shirt. L raises his arms, and the other male makes quick work of removing it. In moments such as these, he wishes he had a better build, because it would at least help him have some appeal. Light rakes his hands through the other's mass of hair. L hikes Light's shirt up and over his head, and then reaches over to his nightstand to grab a bottle of lube. He's glad he has it. L knows how badly it will hurt if Light goes in dry. Light is distantly surprised, but he knows what L is doing to him, and that he'd be prepared.

Their pants and boxers are discarded quickly, and Light feels a rush of anxiety fill him. Of course, he's done stuff like this with other girls before. He's a teenager, it is part of the job to fuck people his parents wouldn't approve of, but this is a _guy_. He pushes all the thoughts out of his head though, as he lubes his dick and positions it at L's entrance. He hasn't stretched him, and knows that will hurt him, but then again, he deserves it, for manipulating Light like this.

He leans down and kisses L briefly, before thrusting his whole length in. His eyes widen and he gasps, and L squeezes his eyes shut. L is _tight._ He waits a minute, until L whispers a rigid, "Move." And he does just that. L slowly relaxes, and get used to the feeling, but then Light rams directly into his prostate. L's body jerks and he lets out some animalistic sound. "More, right there," he grits, in an arousal-stricken, husky voice. Light knows he won't last long, and closes his hand around L's dick and moves it as fast as he can.

He pulls L's legs up onto his shoulders, to get a better angle. L body feel like it's on fire. He's burning to his very core. Light feels the pit in his stomach tighten, and that's it. A wounded cry falls from his mouth, his knees shake uncontrollably, and he comes hard, L following moments after. He drops onto L, completely boneless. He hadn't expected to come so hard or so quickly, and he feels a twinge of embarrassment.

L already feels sore, but Light's body on top of his makes him think that it doesn't matter. L slings one arm over Light, and the other one at his neck, feeling to where he was bitten, and for any other marks he might've left. Light didn't scowl, or move to his side of the bed, or fight with L, or anything, really. He just laid there, and L thinks, once again, that this is progress. If he gets Light to open up to him, Light will also open up about Kira.

"You're cruel," Light says. L doesn't feel bad, because it doesn't matter. It certainly won't matter when Light is sentenced to life in prison, or the electric chair, or whatever the hell he'll get.

Watari once told him, when he was around eight years old, to go for the gut, because that's where the most secrets are hidden. It really is a messed up thing to tell an eight year old, but L had to learn early. He thinks he's doing that now. He knows that Light knows what he's doing. "Have you fucked them, too?"

L knows who he's talking about, and he hesitantly nods. There is no point in lying there, because Light figured out that this is a strategy. L can't just stop now, rest assure he will see this case to the end, and in doing so he would only make Light more restricted.

-XXX-

B calls him from the hospital. The mental hospital, to be precise. Somewhere in the middle of the night, Light rolled off of him, and L presumed it was safe to leave him on his own for just a little while. He went to see Watari, to update him on how his strategy was playing out. As soon as he arrived, Watari informed him of three calls.

"I would not like to speak with him," L says, and he wonders how B got the number. "Ryuzaki, Beyond will not take no for an answer. I highly suggest you call him," the old man encourages. He nudges the phone towards L, who picks it up and trudges back to his room.

He considers blocking B's number, but that wouldn't do any good. B was in second place at Whammy's, right behind L. He's not stupid. He checks in on Light swiftly, just to be sure he hasn't stirred, then dials the number.

"L," a nasally voice reverberates. L can practically hear him grinning from ear to ear through the phone. This isn't one of the hospital phones, and L asks, "Which one of the nurses' phones did you steal?"

He hears B's gravelly chuckle, and it disturbs him to no end. "Oh my! You've come to conclusions awful fast!" L doesn't want to hear any of B's bullshit. He has work to do, and frankly, B is an inconvenience, an irrelevance. A part of L's childhood and teenage years, but nothing more. "What do you want?" he hisses.

"I just want to know where you are. I wanna see you," B whines, and L hates how lightly he takes everything.

"No, you don't. I'll call the hospital and tell them to check on you. Don't call me again," he spits, knowing full well that any threat he makes won't deter B. It will persuade him. Just as L clicks the 'end call' button, he hears a final remark from the fucker.

"I'll be seeing you real soon."

-XXX-

(A month later)

 _Tomorrow we will catch Higuchi,_ L thinks, and he feels a slight pang in his chest. Of course, he can never know for sure whether Light will change back or not, but it's an instinctual feeling that he can't ignore. He turns to Light, who is spread out next to him, typing ridiculously fast. "Do you think we'll catch Kira, Light?" He dropped the '-kun' a while back. He knows the answer before Light says it, but it still hurts like a bitch to hear him. "Yes, of course we will. I told you that I would see it through to the end, and I will." Of course, he wants and has to catch Kira, but he would rather Light stay the same. Or maybe not, because day after day, it gets harder. He can't tell anymore. He knows that if Light stays the same, he'll fall deeper. If Light changes back to the way he was, L will find evidence and kill him. He's not sure if he wants that anymore.

"I have a feeling you will," L responds, halfheartedly. He is 87% certain he will die on this case, and though he's not particularly frightened of death, he is content with the good he has done, and at least wants to live until 30.

"What's that supposed to mean?"

"It is very likely that I will die on this case. Even more so that you will be the one to kill me."

Light looks down. "I'm not going to kill you, L."

"Perhaps it will not be _you_ , it will be Kira, who happens to be inside you." Light sighs and shuts his laptop. He gave up on getting angry about it. He turns to L. He doesn't have his laptop on, he isn't going through papers, he's just lying there. Light wraps his arms around L's waist and pulls him flush against himself.

Light knows that he's not Kira, that he wouldn't kill L, but he also knows that something big will happen tomorrow. He just hopes that it won't be too bad. He can't put his finger on exactly what happened, but something in his memory is blurred. Light concludes that it must be something bad, and that it revolves around the case. It angers him to think that he let himself slip this far off course, though Light can't help but think that this would've happened, strategy or not. They're similar, but at the same time, they aren't, really.

Neither of them want to talk about the future, and instead Light says the first thing behind that. "L, I lo-"

"Don't," L says sharply, because that's too far. It'd be proof that they have gone too far. And so Light doesn't. He turns around in the younger boy's grasp, and stares deep into him "Take a step back, Light. Look, none of this can lead to any good. You know that."

And Light does. He remembers a time when he hated L. He still does, in a faint way, but it feels that the pure, burning hatred he had felt was from a distant, far-off place. "It doesn't matter if you're so sure you're going to die soon."

"You're trouble. I can see it in your eyes," L says, and it's a fact he learned long ago, now it's just more evident. The reassurance that this version of Light will be gone tomorrow does not serve the comfort that it should, it fills him with loneliness. It is very uncharacteristic of him to feel such things, but he is human, and no matter how he shoves them down, they will resurface eventually.

Each step they take draws them closer and closer to a thin line. They walked carefully at first, as if not wanting to break it. The truth is that maybe they do want it to break. And maybe it already has.

-XXX-

A/N: Sorry for the sucky ending. Also for the OOC-ness. I'm just experimenting and seeing what writing styles I like best. Oh, and for anyone who doesn't know, B is like L's double. He's criminally insane and obsessed with L, by the way. Anyway, I'll write a third chapter soon. Thanks for reading! Please R&R!


	3. Chapter 3

A/N: Thank you guys for all the nice reviews! You really don't know how much they mean to me. Okay, once again, sorry for any OOC-ness and grammar errors and whatever. Smutty themes ahead! I promise it will get more interesting as I go. It's just kind of hard when I'm doing the plot development and stuff. Enjoy!

Disclaimer: I don't own Death Note! (Do I have to say this every chapter, like what the fuck?)

-XXX-

L is up at the field, avoiding B. He'll find L, though. In his opinion, L is something far too precious to let go. A role model, of sorts.

L doesn't know what happened to B. He'd arrived like all the other kids, scared and on the brink of death. He hadn't talked for the first few days he was there, but it was as if something clicked in his mind, and then the obsession began.

B follows him everywhere. Would do anything for him. Would kill anyone for him. One time, L asked B to kill himself. And he tried. He drank the paint in the art room, and nothing happened. Well, not nothing, but he didn't die. He got sick for a few days, and that was all. He didn't tell anyone the reason he got sick, and no one asked either. L contemplated telling them, but decided against it. To this day, he still can't figure out why.

It was strange, him not dying. And so L asked him to try again. He obliged, like the good little pet he was, and yet, it didn't work. This time, he didn't tell L that it didn't work. L assumed that he wimped out, and that the first time, perhaps it was some odd medical miracle.

Burden is a better word. B surviving was most definitely not a miracle. And so now he's here, with the freak sticking close to him always. He would starve himself for weeks and weeks to stay as skinny as L. He dyed his hair and only went outside if L was there.

L sighs as B walks out from around the surrounding trees and lays down next to him. He curls himself into L and L lets him. Recently, L had been letting his double do whatever he wanted to him. He considered it an experiment, because he had no other reason to let him. He wonders if Beyond has ever gotten jealous of his title. Or of what's to come for him. He's undoubtedly the smartest child there, and he is to become the world's greatest detective. L thinks that he only has a 73% chance of truly earning this position. Even though he has solved many cases, it still is rather difficult to fathom himself as the world's greatest when he's only fourteen.

"I brought scissors," B mumbles, and L wonders who he plans to cut up. Surely it isn't himself, which leaves basically anybody in Whammy's, other than Watari and Roger. Perhaps B will cut himself. He pulls them out of the back pocket in his jeans, which are identical to L's, and waves them dangerously close to his face. He harshly stabs them in the ground right beside L's head, and grabs the to-be detective's chin.

"L," he breathes, and closes the gap between them. Their teeth clash and it's painful. L immediately attempts to pull his head back, but there's only solid ground beneath him. He turns his head to the side, and B follows. He grinds his hips down into L's, and they are far too young for this. L doesn't let his panic show through, but he can't help the gasp that escapes when B does that.

B shoves his tongue into L's mouth. L is tempted to bite down, but that would cause a mess, and B wouldn't get mad anyway. "Stop," L grits, but at that same time, B snakes a hand down L's pants, and it comes out too airy for him to sound like he means it. L has never experienced something like this before. He knows what B is doing to him, but he's never done it too himself before, and it's too intense. L's face contorts without his permission, and then B is at his neck, ravaging it. He will likely leave a mark. No matter how he wants to, he cannot force his body to stop reacting to B's ministrations, and he ruts up into the hand. "B, I don't think-" He's unable to finish the sentence when B rolls his thumb over the head of L's dick.

Suddenly, it all tightens, and he tosses his head back, which just hits the ground, and he comes for the first time. It's too much all at once, and he slumps back, breathing heavily. He's pissed, but still manages to compose himself back into his typical monotonous state. "That was a mistake, B," he manages, not really sure what else to say. "Hmm," B hums, placing his hand on his chin, then his lips curl upward into his signature grin. "Nope, I don't think it was."

L thinks that his experiment is over. He concludes that he no longer enjoys when B touches him, though he never particularly liked anyone to get close to him.

-XXX-

Light wakes up with L yet again spread out on top of him, and he thinks that this is it. Today, this is it. They will catch Higuchi, and the handcuffs will be taken off. Light supposes that he should be happy about this, but he can't quite describe the pure _emptiness_ in him. He weaves his fingers through L's hair, and it's pleasant.

Light can't understand how it happened. It is L's fault of course, it was just a ploy to get Light to admit, but as everything does, it turned into something more. There's nothing particularly attractive about L, yet somehow, Light couldn't resist.

L stirs, and looks blearily at Light. "Hey," he murmurs, and L thinks that he wouldn't mind if Light were to kiss him right now. He minds that. They're lying together as if they've been sleeping in the same bed together for years, it's light and easy. "You haven't told me what percentage I'm at in a while."

L realizes that he hasn't. "Probably around 20%. That is a very high percentage. I ought to have you arrested now." He's still too tired calculate right now, so he doesn't. Of course, his real percentage is almost 100, but that's something Light should not know.

"You won't, though."

"That is correct, Light." Light flips them around so that he on top of L, and he buries his face into the crook of the detective's neck. He inhales, long and slow, because he likes the way that L smells. Like their shampoo and sex. He feels absolutely fucked, even though L was on the bottom. Perhaps the situation in general is stressing him.

"I'm going back to sleep," Light says, and L listens to see how long it takes for him to fall back asleep. He loses track of the time as he zeroes in on Light's breathing. It's like a mantra, steady breath in, and out. He thinks that his sleep schedule is catching up to him. L knows he won't be able to get back to bed, but he wishes he could, just so that he wouldn't have to be awake.

Sometimes he likes Light's touches and sometimes he doesn't. Right now, he thinks that he could readily stay in this position for hours. Recently, his touches have been enjoyable. At the same time, though, they make L uneasy, likely from the fact that Light is a murderer. More likely from the fact that L sees himself slipping. He should not like them.

-XXX-

(Two weeks earlier)

Light is going on a date with Misa. Well, L and Light are. Misa begged him to go, and L wanted to see how Light would react to being alone with her-and him- after what they'd been doing, so he encouraged it.

They're walking into Misa's apartment building when Light asks, "You won't say anything to Misa, right?"

"I don't intend to. Do you?"

"Of course not!" Light scoffs as they walk into the elevator. "Alright," L says flatly, plucking the lollipop from his mouth.

Light feels an aggravation seep in, and L's apathy towards the situation only frustrates him further. "Do you just not care?"

"Light-kun," L begins, adding the '-kun' just because he knows how upset it makes Light, "I care about many things. I just care very little regarding you and your girlfriend." Light face crumples slightly at that, and he wonders why he's been such an asshole today. More than usual, at least.

He presses the floor number and waits for the door to slide shut before he decides to quiet L. He doesn't have much time, so he hastily pulls L towards himself and kisses him, sloppy and open mouthed. L seems to expecting as much, and he wraps his arms around Light's frame, pushing back with an urgency he hadn't known was there. L takes control swiftly, and Light thinks that it's crazy to let someone have this much power over him. He doesn't care very much.

He groans and loses his train of thought when L grabs, no, _squeezes_ the curve of his ass. Light pulls back and bites L's lip, drawing blood in the process. L likes that. Light tangles his fingers into his hair, and all too soon, the elevator dings, and the door opens. Light pulls away quickly, but L lazily hangs onto him, arms slung around his shoulders. This is too dangerous. They're in public, for fuck's sake. He unlatches L's arms and tries to regain his breathing. L's breathing is perfectly normal, and it annoys Light, to have put forth all that effort, just to have no reaction.

Light feels guilty that they just did _that_ when he's going to see his girlfriend. L notices his expression instantly, and makes quick assumptions. "You seem unwell. Perhaps you feel that Amane-san will somehow figure out what we have been doing?"

"No, Ryuzaki. I'm fine."

"If such things happen, you fear that you will lose Amane-san, whom you have been using to help you kill criminals? If she finds out, she will no longer be your ally."

"Ryuzaki, I'm not Kira."

"There is a very slim chance that you are Kira, Light. This was only a hypothetical situation." They both know that L fully believes that Light is Kira. He will not accept any evidence that says otherwise. Because they both know, it really is very cruel of L to throw percentages and maybes and ifs at him. It's as if he's just taunting him, saying he's giving Light a fair chance, the benefit of the doubt.

"Of course there is," Light throws back, pissed at L and at himself. And then they're at Misa's door, who was seemingly waiting right there for them, because they haven't even knocked when she throws open the door and ushers them inside.

"Oh, Light! I've missed you so much!" she squeals, and L thinks it's so high pitched it sounds relatively like a bird chirping. It's disgusting.

"I've missed you too." _No, I haven't._

"Ryuzaki, could you please leave? Me and Light want some alone time," she sing-songs, winking at Light. _No, I would rather be working on the case_. He can't remember why he started dating Misa. She has nothing he could gain from her. That's really the only reason he ever dated people before. Sure, she's pretty, and could have most guys hanging on to her if she wanted, but there isn't anything that would attract Light to her.

"I'm afraid I cannot do that, Amane-san. I need to be observing Light at all times. He is my number one suspect, you know." Misa knows. After all, she is his suspect for the second Kira. She scoffs dramatically and clings onto Light's arm.

As Misa blabbers on about some photo shoots she's doing, L takes note that he seems completely uninterested. He never cares about what she has to say, anyway, but today he looks especially pissed at her.

"Will you buy the magazine that my pictures will be in, Light?"

"Whatever, Misa," he says half-heartedly. L can't help but feel the slightest bit bad for her. Light is being uncharacteristically rude. "I'm certain he will, Amane-san," he butts in.

"Really, Ryuzaki? I'm so glad! We've been working really hard on this shoot," she bubbles, and L almost regrets saying that, but he knows that having Misa on his side can only be a good thing. He pulls out a sucker and sticks it in his mouth, hoping to tempt Light with it. He knows it will. While Misa rapidly talks about whatever the hell she's talking about, he loudly sucks on it, and makes direct eye contact with Light.

"L, that's very crass," Light chides, glaring daggers at him, crossing his legs. Good, it's working.

"My sucker is crass?"

"No, but the way you're eating it is."

"In what way does this affect you, Light-kun?" he asks, the hint of a smirk pulling at the corners of his lips. Light rolls his eyes. "It's just distracting."

"I see. I will try to be quieter, Light-kun." He won't, of course.

As soon as Misa starts to try and get Light to go into her bedroom, he decides it's time to go. "Misa, it's getting late," he says, though it's only three. "We have to get working on the case, I'll see you later."

Misa complains about how she never gets to see Light, and Light shuts her up by quickly kissing her. He pulls away and hurriedly pulls L out the door. "Bye, Misa," he calls. God, he hates her. He cares a good bit for her general well-being, but not more than he cares for anyone else's. He hates the sticky feeling her lip gloss leaves on his lips, and how she clings to his arm. She has pointy nails. It's uncomfortable.

Light's somewhat surprised when L laces his fingers through his. Although, he doesn't shake away his hand, he just uses his thumb to rub circles into the back of L's hand. He knows damn well why L's doing this, has been doing things like this, and he's upset that he hadn't seen it coming sooner. It's not going to get them anywhere, because Light's not Kira, and there won't be any evidence. They're headed straight towards a dead end. Light doesn't really mind it, though, so he lets L do what he will.

L removes his hand as soon as he steps out of the elevator. "You were not being very kind to Amane-san."

"I was being as polite as I needed to be and nothing more. It was fine."

"You're using her. For what?"

"I'm not, you're the one using me," Light looks down, feigning a more or less depressed look, not wanting to let L know that he was blatantly taking advantage of her, though he's not sure of what he's taking advantage of. "At least, I don't think I am." That's good, it's enough to make him sound innocent, but aware of the topic at the same time.

Light wishes he had taken the opportunity to punch L in the elevator for eating his sucker the way he did. It didn't turn him on or anything, but it was far too provocative, and the _reason_ he did it made Light pissed. Using sex as an advantage point isn't completely out of the question in Light's mind, but L seems to take the subject too fucking lightly, and it just makes him appear even less humane.

L is taking advantage of Light here. It is his fault, none of the blame can be taken on Light. L is older, 24, Light discovered recently. He's the mean one. A bad, bad person.

Light can't truly convince himself of any of this. Sure, he does think L is a shitty person, but not enough to stop fucking around with him. Apparently, L has fucked around with almost all of his suspects. Light doesn't like that. It also makes him dislike Aiber and Wedy more. He wonders if L used the same tactics for them as he did him. Probably. It's difficult to not respond to something out of the blue like that.

L thinks that, as soon as they do their work for the rest of the day, he'll sleep with Light again. Well, L will still be doing work, but the rest of the taskforce won't. L tries not to think of this part so much as _work,_ though. It's not good to think of things like this as work.

-XXX-

They're in bed, and Light casts away his book the moment L sets on top of him. L assumes he'd been expecting it, perhaps even considering initiating it. Next time, L thinks, he won't do anything, and he'll see what Light does. Light's lips are covering his in the next instant, and digs his fingers into L's jaw the way that L so enjoys. Light should be worried about Aiber or Wedy catching them, but he really isn't. L admitted that he's done stuff with them, so what's the difference if they see them or not? The criminals probably already knew before they arrived.

L grinds his hips down, and Light breaks away to gasp. L leans down into the junction between Light's neck and shoulder, and he pulls his collar down slightly to see a fading bruise. He grins. "Has anyone seen this?'

"Of course not, Ryuzaki," Light mutters, upset that L made it in the first place. It's very hypocritical to think that, though, since Light left a darker bruise right on the side of his neck, where anyone could see it if they were to really pay attention. He's surprised Wedy hasn't mentioned anything about that. He's sure she noticed. "I'm not that careless."

"You're wrong. If you weren't that careless, you wouldn't have let me do it. Besides, you did this, Light-kun," L says, pulling his shirt up and over his head. Light stares at the mark for a moment, then settles back down, and tilts his head up. L takes it as permission and sucks down on the spot. He thinks he'll leave a large bruise this time, just to spite him.

L grinds his hips down just as Light moans. He snakes his hand down L's jeans and loves the ragged gasp that tears from L's lips when he grabs his dick. L swats Light's hand away and scoots down his body. He'd sucked Light off only the day before, but he knows how much Light enjoys it. There's no way Light would let L fuck him this early on, and L had been fucked only a few days before, so this will have to do. L pulls Light's pants down and off his legs. He can see how hard Light is through his boxers, and pulls them down too slowly. "If you're going to do it them just get on with it," Light grits.

L complies, knowing that Light wouldn't settle for anything else. He immediately takes as much as he can into his mouth. Light's mouth falls open, and he bucks his hips up, nearly choking L. He has to use his hands to keep Light down, and he quickly moves his head up and down, wanting to get Light off.

All it takes is L lightly grazing his teeth, and Light comes down his throat. Before L can spit the gunk out, or more likely swallow, Light yanks his head up and kisses him. As everything they do is, it's slightly hateful. L can tell by the way Light bites his lip, and how he weaves his fingers into his hair, pulling almost hard enough to tear it.

He pulls away and says, "My turn." Light looks unsure, but trails his hands down to L's jeans, anyway.

L comes fast, ridiculously so, but that's okay. Light grimaces at the taste, but still swallows. He scoots back up and lays beside L, grabbing the book he'd been reading and continuing, as if they hadn't just given each other head. L supposes that's alright, because Light is not the kind of person to overreact, though it wouldn't have been unprecedented in the moment.

L glances over from his laptop as soon as he hears Light's voice. "So, is this like, a thing we do now?"

L considers his response for a moment before answering, "I guess."

"I know why you're doing this." And yes, L is sure he does, and Light's said this in the past. L just never really gets around to talk to him about it. He wasn't planning to, anyway. It's confusing as to why Light is saying this now, though. It is definitely not part of the game they're playing, and it's like Light just stopped one day. Perhaps he has become far less adept, and much more kind in a distant sense, or it's just part of his strategy. L knows not to doubt him or his intelligence in any way. "Does it bother you?" he asks, not dodging the accusation, because it's not a good move to blatantly deny something so obvious to both of them.

"Of course it bothers me," Light shoots, and L thinks he sees some flicker of honestly in his eyes. But no, it's a lie, it's just perfectly guarded. This is Kira, whether he's aware of it or not, and either way, lying and convincing L will only work in his favor. He is a phenomenal liar, and L needs to be more cautious. Even if Light is not Kira now, he was at some point, and that's what's important. "Okay," L says, because it's the only thing he can think of that won't end in Light picking a fight with him. It still might.

-XXX-

(Two weeks later)

Light wakes up again, but he notices that the now-familiar warmth next to him is gone. If L is gone, then…

He looks down and the handcuffs aren't on. His wrist is rubbed raw, and it's painful, but that's not something he can worry about now. There must have been an emergency or something. L wouldn't have left Light alone by his own will. But L would've just woken Light up and they'd have gone together.

Light can't reach a reasonable conclusion. It doesn't make sense. He gets up and heads towards the bathroom to brush his teeth and take a piss.

L pads back into their bedroom and- _oh, shit,_ Light is gone. He'd left for only a moment to speak with Watari. Light isn't the same though, so he didn't expect him to be killing criminals or anything, but L can never be sure. Anything could have happened. He hears the sink turn on, and it's a slight comfort, but not nearly enough to convince himself that nothing changed.

He recalls what Watari told him. _You need to be careful, I can see where this is going,_ and something L didn't quite catch, something about justice. He's right, he's well aware of the situation, but it still upsets L to hear him say it. Especially after all this time. The only other time he'd heard it was with B, who is an entirely different creature. This plan worked quickly with his case, but only because of who B is. Light is another thing. It's going a little bit slower than L expected, likely because of Light's distance between everyone. It's unnoticeable by most, but given the things he's done, he's his own island. It's almost incomparable to L's distance from everyone, though. If Light's an island then L is his own fucking continent. Their similarities compared to their distance from everyone else is dangerous. It draw them closer, on a level further than the cat-and-mouse game they're playing.

It was too risky, L decides, taking off the chain. He walks into the room and is greeted with Light saying, "Hey," though his mouth is full and it does nothing to calm L's nerves. Light spits and rinses, and asks exactly what L predicted he would. "Where were you, L?"

"I was with Watari." Light typically doesn't ever refer to L _as_ L, and it's strange to hear him say it. He goes back into the room and sits down on the bed, and L follows. Light holds out his wrist, knowing full well that he's not off the hook. L knows that Light knows as much, so he clicks the cuffs back in place, no questions asked.

"Are you ready?" Light asks, and L assumes it's about Higuchi, because they don't really talk about much else that would qualify. "Yeah, I am," he says, but he's not.

"Me too." L wonders if Light thinks the handcuff will come off for good after they catch him. There's a chance that they will, but Light will probably start participating in the game after they do. It's a gut feeling, and that usually is how L solves cases, so there's no reason to think any differently about this one. If Light changes, the handcuffs will stay on.

L is certain they will.

-XXX-

The very second he touches that fucking notebook, Light remembers _everything_. It comes flooding back wave after wave, and it shocks him, only for a second. Light is Kira now. No, actually, he's God, always has been. The image of L, bloody and at his disposal beneath him, is at the front of his mind. It shouldn't be there, but it is. Light _wants_ him, as sick and fucked up as it is. This wasn't part of the process, but rising up and tumbling down was, so perhaps this is just a piece of it. The tables are turned now.

Everything has changed, yet everything is just the same.

-XXX-

A/N: Okay, I've kind of got an idea of where I want to go with this, so it should get better from here on out! Sorry it took so long to write, I don't really have an excuse. And, oh! Light is evil again! ;) I like him best when he's crazy. Also, the first section is from when L and B were kids, if you didn't get it. Hope you enjoyed, please R&R!


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